By: Kai Lee-Jenner
“The American taxpayers will be held accountable for allowing the government to steal their money in order to aid The Epstein sex trafficking enterprise.”
Washington D.C. (CBE) - The Department of Justice announced today they are considering the arrests of random taxpayers for bailing out JPMorgan Chase in 2008, a bank closely linked with the Jeffery Epstein sex trafficking enterprise. “The American taxpayers will be held accountable for aiding a bank that facilitated and concealed financial transactions with Jeffery Epstein, Ghislaine Maxwell, and their sex trafficking enterprise. Taxpayers must know that this type of behavior will not be condoned. JPMorgan Chase will not be held accountable because they are too big to fail. They’re like the Titanic, The Hindenburg, and
Honey Boo-Boo,” Attorney General Merrick Garland said during a press conference.
Jeffery Epstein was an elite socialite, a shoddy financier, and a magician. Despite lacking a single credential in education (or a college degree), he was hired at the prestigious Dalton School in Manhattan. Poof! Magic. After being fired from The Dalton School for poor performance (not lewd behavior towards students), he managed to land a job a Bear Stearns, a global investment bank without a single credential again. Hocus Pocus! After failing at Bear Stearns, he managed to start his own financial consulting company, J. Epstein & Company, where despite his empty credentials again, managed to sign billionaire and Victoria’s Secret founder, Lesley Wexner as a client. Abracadabra! Wexner later gifted Jeffery his $77 million dollar Upper West Side home. Alakazam! After his short but illustrious career in finance, he did what every retired investor does and began using sexual blackmail to compromise the world's elite, including Bill Gates, Bill Clinton, and Prince Andrew. Expelliarmus! Epstein was arrested in 2006 on four counts of unlawful sex with a minor, and one account of sexual abuse. The sentencing for one conviction for sex with a minor can carry a lifetime sentence, but Jeffery was sentenced to 18 months, with 12-hour granted work releases, six days a week. Wingardium leviosa! He was released after 13 months. Over the next twelve years, Epstein had over 16 civil suits filed against him before finally being arrested for child sex crimes again in 2019. Alohamora! And as his final act of magic, he managed to hang himself so violently in his jail cell, that it broke his hyoid bone, an injury common in strangulation, not suicide. All of this occurred while on 24/7 suicide watch surveillance. Expecto patronum!
Mr. Epstein’s long-term girlfriend and pimp overlord, Ghislaine Maxwell was arrested for her role in the sex trafficking enterprise in 2020. There must have been some magic in that silk hat she pound (winking emoji) because she became the first person in United States history to go to jail for trafficking underage women to NOBODY. Capacious Extremis!
On December 27th, Denise George, Attorney General of the Virgin Islands (a territory of the United States-mainly a tax haven), filed a lawsuit against JPMorgan Chase alleging violations of the Trafficking Victims Protection Act. George was fired from her position four days later on New Year's Eve, when the entire planet was distracted, by Governor Albert Bryan who probably keeps his money in his sock drawer and not with JPMC. Governor Bryan claimed the timing to be a coincidence. “She was negligent. She never told me about the lawsuit. I was unaware of its existence. That’s why she was killed-I mean fired.”
George, who is still alive but probably suicidal, alleges findings in November 2022 assert that JPMorgan Chase knowingly, negligently, and unlawfully provided and pulled levers through which recruiters (the medical term for a pedophile in the Virgin Islands) and victims were paid. The lawsuit also maintains that JPMorgan Chase was not only involved but was indispensable to the operation.
Jeffery Epstein owned a house on the US Virgin Islands, and many of his business addresses were located there, so he and his billionaire friends could usurp taxes in the United States. Good thing we have 87,000 new IRS agents. I’m sure they’ll do what is right.
Denise George’s lawsuit continues to claim that JPMC facilitated and concealed both wire and cash transactions with Epstein. The lawsuit also testifies that these types of moves were advocated and approved by senior executives at the bank, with some executives having a direct, inappropriate relationship with Epstein himself. Some would say the relationship between the bank and the sexual predator was older than the girls they shared.
When you get caught robbing a bank, you go to jail. When a bank gets caught robbing you, you bail them out, your taxes go up, their executives receive tax breaks and bonuses, and they buy what you can no longer afford. This was essentially the mantra of the 2008 financial crisis.
Beginning in 2007, banks and financial firms like Lehman Brothers loaned billions of dollars to fly-by-night mortgage companies to start pushing sub-prime mortgages. Sub-prime is a fancy way of saying poor credit. It makes it sound better, kind of like calling a murderer an unlawful finisher, or a torturer an enhanced interrogator.
Companies like CountryWide, and NewCentury then sent loan sharks into low-income areas offering homes to anyone- regardless of income, identification, or even citizenship. Essentially, if you were breathing you could buy a home. The loan sharks intentionally targeted minority communities and the elderly, with Wells Fargo famously being sued in federal court after one loan officer referred to the practice as “ghetto loans” for “mud people”. After the loans were purchased by secondary market banks and insurance companies using people’s retirement funds and 401ks, they were sold back to Wall Street. The banks then sent them back down the pike in a game of hot potato and waited for the bomb to go off in somebody else's hands.
Business and economics majors, who use federal loans to go to schools unless Daddy’s trust fund pays for it, are led to believe in a free-market economy- losers lose, and winners win. The complete opposite was true in 2008. The banks that made poor investments, maybe even intentionally were rewarded for their stupidity (or criminality, flip a coin). After the housing bubble burst, and 12 of 13 banks were on pace for extinction, The United States government intervened and bailed them out. You could say the American taxpayers bailed them out. Over 257 billion dollars were handed out to the banks, with 25 billion going to JPMorgan, which acquired Chase Bank in the process. By 2011, 11.6 million homeowners were homeless. With 38% of the American population too young to own a house, and the majority of homeowners living in two-adult homes (75%), this meant over 9% of Americans lost their homes as a part of this predatory loan practice. A decade later the residual effect leaves 40% of people aged 35 or lower owning homes. Thought you’d be doing better than your parents didn’t ya? It’s alright, snapchat and Instagram are better than owning a home and having kids right? If you leave this article now you can probably watch a video of Cardi B speaking gibberish and scratching her snizz.
In conclusion, Merrick Garland said, “Obviously we can’t arrest every American taxpayer for letting us steal their taxes and savings to bail out our admittedly criminal friends. We need people to clean our toilets and pick up our croquet balls. But what we can do is arrest any taxpayer who is also questioning the 2020 election results, parents who don’t want their eight-year-old children taught about pegging at public school, or even satirists with no followers on Twitter. Basically, anyone who speaks ill of the current administration can be arrested for allowing the Obama administration to steal their taxes to aid sex trafficking rings while selling them into indentured servitude and buying everything around them. Fuck around and find out.”
Kai Lee-Jenner
Casino Boogie Entertainment
*** In the interest of full disclosure, I am very suicidal. Unfortunately, I’m also a devout Catholic, and suicide is a mortal sin. So I’m hoping Merrick and the boys can fulfill my wish. Give me back to GOD! Consider this a really, really, really, REALLY, late-term abortion.
Comments