“Our investigation discovered evidence of direct assistance from 1941-1945.” - Justin Trud’oh
Written by: Will M. "Duh" Foe
CASINO BOOGIE ENTERTAINMENT (CBE)- CANADALAND
Friday, in a faraway place, beyond the candy cane forests and marshmallow mountains, in the land known as Canada, the Jelly Bean King Justin and his peppermint parliament, honored Ukrainian War Hero, Yaroslav Hunka for his efforts in fighting the Russians between 1941-45.
“Today we honor Candian-Ukrainian veteran, of the Second World War, who fought for Ukranian Independence against the Russians! And continues to support the troops today. Even at the age of 98.” said House Speaker Anthony Rota before the first standing ovation and act of musical numbers interrupted his address. King Justin applauded as he stood next to a great ally and god-king of Ukraine, Voldomyr Zelenskittles. Leaders of the Lollipop Party went on to honor Hunka with a jaunty show tune, and a signature Canadian Lollie filled with maple syrup.
“His name is Yaro Hunka, you know he’s got that spunka, and when he wore those combat-boots he-didn’t-give-a funka! Give it up y’all! Yar-o Hunk-a! Make some noise eh!” Rota continued before the much larger and final standing ovation. The finale concluded with an overture from the Oatmeal Orchestra and a closing number, Oh Canada, from the entire Canadian Candy cast.
Yaroslav Hunka, whose last name was hyphenated down from Hunkashit when he emigrated from Ukraine in 1945, gingerly stood up from his German-engineered wheelchair and acknowledged the crowd before wiping tears away from his eyes.
Hunka bravely fought for the 14th Waffen Grenadier Division of the SS, often referred to as the SS Galician in Western Ukraine/Poland. Waffen is Ukrainian for Waffenthefuckarewedoing. Hunka’s Galician Division was successful in the 1944 attack on Huta Pieniacacka, where they killed 1,000 people in one day, including pregnant women, newborns, and children. When SS Leader and fellow Canadian Ukrainian hero, Henrich Himmler visited the Galician Division he remarked, that the battalion had phenomenal ability in massacre warfare. The brave 14th went on to be honored after the war, at the 1945 Nuremberg Trials as a “criminal organization guilty of the persecution and execution of Jews, murder of women, children, and civilians and operators of concentration camps”.
While the number of still-living Canadian veterans of World War II continues to dwindle to zero, it’s a good thing they honored the good guy.
For the grandchildren and great-grandchildren of Holocaust survivors, and those with a grade school equivalency in history, you might be thinking: Hey didn’t Russia fight WITH the Allies during World War II? Or Didn’t some of the worst atrocities in recorded history happen in that region at that time? Your recollections would be correct. For pre-schoolers, popsicles, and people like Justin Trud’oh, Anthony Rota, and the people who voted for them, this shocking revelation came a day late and a dollar short.
Following the Friday address, House Speaker Rota resigned as if he was the only one who applauded the brave soldier's valor. Prime Minister Trud’oh didn’t resign, but he did tweeze his eyebrows before addressing Rota’s singular mistake.
“The fact that we honored a brave Canadikranian Soldier for his duties in the great World War II, is the story. Everything else being written, about his four-pronged fighting formation is Russian disinformation. It’s Russian Disinformation. He fought for Ukranian Independence from Russia. I think everyone in the world stands behind and supports that cause today as well as in the past.”
The Prime Minister went on to repeat virtually the same speech, as if it were a rehearsed speech, to any questions from the media, but he did cap the presser off on the offensive.
“After a long, 77-year investigation funded by the great taxpayers of this country- the Canadian government has discovered that from the years 1941-1945 both the United States of America and the United Kingdom, as well as some radical right-wingers here in Canada, assisted in Russia’s war efforts. This is abhorrent, disgusting behavior. We, as Canadians and full supporters of the War in Ukraine, deplore this behavior, and as a result, Canada will no longer be flying either flag at any of our government buildings. The United States and The United Kingdom need to come out today and apologize for their actions immediately.”
Casino Boogie will continue to cover this story going forward. Hopefully, we do the right thing and send a sorry letter with the next 8 billion.
Will M. "Duh" Foe
Casino Boogie Entertainment
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